See? Now there's something. It's not so empty anymore.
This is what I would like to do with my life. It's been empty for years. I've been through a divorce, several losses, changing countries and houses, losing some of my belongings, having to deal with toxic relationships that almost destroyed me mentally and physically, a pandemic (yep, that took a big toll on everyone), depression, panic attacks... being alone during all that mess was hard. I struggled. A lot. I tried to ask for help because that's what every help-line says "tell someone, call us, speak up, ask for help".
I was dismissed.
I was dismissed by friends.
By family.
By therapists.
By partners.
By those help lines.
I spent days in bed crying, not showering, not eating, binge eating, crying more, feeling awful about myself, self harming, starting to do something, giving up, and so on. If you have been through that, you know.
I don't know if I am going to succeed this time but I'm gonna try.
Again.
Because I have to learn that notighing turns perfect the first time. We all make mistakes.
August is my birthday month. The first of August begins with a full moon. It feels like it's a good omen.
Today I cleaned my house, I threw away all receipts and junk (out with the old, in with the new). I went for a run (after several months).
But the main purpose of this journey is to go on a date with myself once a week.
I've been missing out on so many interesting events just because I have no friends to go with and it's hard to force myself to go alone. It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't wait for the perfect occasion, for the friend to tag along, for my partner to take me out.
I should love myself so much that I should be happy to go out with me and have fun. So this is what I am going to do :)
